“What up fly skillet fries homey?”
“Nothing… Dad…”
Phil won the L. James Doofus award, unironically.
He didn’t know he was the boogey man.
“Captain Accounts Payable, putting the ‘fun’ in ‘fungible’.”
“I will help with my Mystical Accounting Powers!”
“I’m Captain Affable!”
“I still don’t like you.”
“The Wolf of Walmart!”
“That’s a terrible title.”
“Sir$#44; aliens’ll only talk to Snooki or J-woww.”
“The aliens think our landfills are sentient lifeforms.”
The aliens landed in New Jersey, then left.
I had to dig my own man cave.
“Madam Foreman, here’s your verdict for the boss.”
“History repeats itself,” the history professor said again.
He defenestrated his job along with his boss.
“When I was your age, snowflakes were unique!”
“It’s hip to be square!” says non-hip square.
“‘Event Horizon.’ That’s what I call my bathroom.”
The spaceship made a pit stop in Jersey.
Bullet holes and stew: just another family reunion.
The remaining trees whispered of the lumberjack’s betrayal.