“I’m gonna hurl.”
“Bad food?”
“The kids-movie acting”
Genre: Comedy
“I don’t take orders!”
*Stern look*
“Sorry, Mom.”
“A horse walks into a bar—”
“Just no.”
“The depth of your stupidity astounds me.”
“Nah-uhhh.”
“All my personalities are one”
“…One crazy person.”
Young woman brought home a vampire. Parents horrified.
“I wish I’d known pigs couldn’t fly yesterday.”
The monster opened the closet and said, “Hello.”
The children’s book character waxed philosophical about death.
“Doctor, it hurts when-” *punch* “-you do that.”
“I love you!”
“Ummm… thanks. Here’s your mail.”
The angel of death brought cupcakes and tea.
The flakey author wrote eight words before he
“He kissed me!”
“‘He’ better be a dog.”
“Let me say, ‘you are beautiful!’”
“Go away.”
“What’ve you got there?”
“Just your voodoo doll.”
“Your lies are like your farts: very stinky”
The fish academy wouldn’t accept his backwater school.
“Your father’s a sexy man.”
“…Thanks…Aunt Sonia.”
He fleeced lunch ladies out of their hairnets.